Star Wars Episode LXIX: The Last All-Star by Nicholas Spoelker

Set in between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi

The Year is 4 ABY

“No, Artoo,” Luke said. “We’re going back to the Dagobah system. Yoda told me through the Force that he needs me. It sounded urgent.” R2D2 let out a disgruntled beep. He hated going to that dank swamp. Last time he was there, an enormous dragonsnake had attempted to eat him.

As Luke’s X-Wing entered the thick atmosphere of Dagobah, visibility was reduced to zero. However, this was not the first time Luke experienced the dankness of Dagobah and he managed to navigate the fog and land safely.

“You stay and guard the X-Wing.” Luke said to R2D2. “It’s our only way out of here.” Artoo responded with an annoyed groan.

Luke began the long hike to Yoda’s hut, using his newly created lightsaber to cut down any obstacles in his way. Finally, he could see the small mud house ahead. A light was shining from one window.

“Master Yoda?” Luke called out.

“Come. Come,” came the gruff voice from within the structure.

Luke complied and crawled through the front door. He crouched in the small room and looked at Yoda, who was sitting in a chair. However, he could see another figure in the room, laying sprawled on a recliner. It was an Ewok with an enormous abdomen.

Luke chuckled. “Master, who is this? Why is there a fat Ewok here?”

Yoda looked back at him with his tired eyes and replied, “The Jedi Order must survive. When gone am I, the last Jedi you will be.” He motioned to the Ewok’s engorged belly. “My successor will soon arrive. Deliver him, you must.”

Luke understood, but still had many questions. How did an Ewok get from the forest moon of Endor to Dagobah? What had Yoda been feeding her? How did Yoda even manage to impregnate her despite the age gap as well as the species gap?

Luke’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud shrieking. The Ewok was crying out in pain.

“My child is coming!” Yoda shouted. “Quickly, help her you must.”

Luke crawled quickly over to the Ewok to begin delivering the baby. He desperately tried to remember back to all those baby Banthas he delivered on Tatooine with Uncle Owen, but it only came back as a blur. I can’t do it. I can’t do it, he thought.

However, the soothing voice of Ben Kenobi filled his ears. “Use the Force, Luke.”

Luke understood. He closed his eyes and reached with the Force. He could feel the baby, but he couldn’t pull it out. The Ewok was not dilated enough. Luke turned to Yoda. “I have an idea,” he said as he pulled out his lightsaber. “I’m going to try to do a C-Section.”

“Do or do not; there is no try,” Yoda replied.

“Hold her steady,” Luke said to Yoda. Yoda reached out with the Force and restricted the movement of his Ewok lover’s arms and legs.

“All over, it will soon be,” he said to her.

Luke ignited his lightsaber, and the green blade illuminated the hut. “May the Force be with you,” he said as he plunged his blade into the Ewok. She screeched as Luke used the lightsaber to make careful cuts.

“I see something moving!” he shouted to Yoda. Luke reached out with the Force and Force-pulled the baby out of the womb. As he suspended the baby in the air, he used his lightsaber to sever the umbilical cord with one clean swipe.

Luke held the child while Yoda used the Force to seal and heal the Ewok. He looked at the baby with curiosity. It was fat and green with a round nose and unusual ears.

Luke looked over to Yoda and the Ewok. Her belly was closed up now, but she wasn’t moving. Yoda was kneeling over her face, tears welling in his eyes. She tried to say something, prompting Yoda to lean in closer. Luke could see her whispering something in his ears, but couldn’t hear what it was.

Yoda’s Ewok lover died that day. She was buried outside of Yoda’s hut. Yoda himself would kick the bucket later that year.

The son of Yoda was very powerful in the Force. He spent his early years traveling the galaxy with Luke. Eventually, when he got older, the boy wanted to go back to his home planet. He returned to his father’s home and decided to live there, saying a final farewell to Luke Skywalker.

The son of Yoda had extreme stamina and the ability to perform fantastic feats with the Force. Eventually, humans on the run from the Empire settled on Dagobah, clearing away swamps and building villages. Yoda’s son avoided them, as they were disgusted by his green appearance.

Luke and Yoda named him after the word whispered by his dying mother. His name was Shrek Skywalker, and he was an all-star.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s